Penny

Penny Cooper is my best friend. I've known her for twenty-five years and we were best friends from day one.

On March 25, 2013, Penny called me to tell me she had stage four cervical cancer.

In the beginning, I wasn't at all sure she would make it through the realization. The news knocked her into a world of unbelief and justified self-pity. I was shocked for her and for a quick moment phased in and out of my own self-pity. Why her?

While absorbing this devastating news, Penny began taking medication for pain. And although it helped, she shut down mentally. She wouldn't move, she let everyone do for her. Each time I talked to her on the phone she was always in bed. After talking to Emily I learned that a hospital bed had been installed along with a wheelchair and bathroom aides.

I was unclear as to why, all of a sudden, these items were installed. I was terrified Penny had just given up! I not only called her every day, I began sending her cards of encouragement.

Then, because she wasn't moving, clots developed in her legs and she was taken to the hospital. John called me about this.

The doctors were able to treat the clots safely but she had to stay in the hospital while doing so. Her oncologist decided to start chemo while she was there. John called and told me that they thought it best so he given up on trying to get into the cancer center in Indiana.

Penny had a rough go of it in the beginning. All the drugs! She wasn't used to it. The most she had ever taken in her life was Tylenol or Ibuprofen or an antibiotic when she was so sick a couple of times. If she wasn't sleeping 24/7 she hallucinated. Chemo irritated her mouth and throat to a point of not being able to talk properly much less talk to me on the phone. I wasn't sure she knew who I was half the time.

She was in such bad shape with all this 'new' I was positive she was't going to make it.

But then, things started to level off for her. Thank God! She still couldn't talk right but she could talk. I continued to call every day whether we talked or not.

April 10, 2013, I had to go to MVH for a series of x-rays and mammogram. Jeri drove me that day. She was so sweet about everything I had to do and still go with me to visit with Penny. I was so desperate to see Penny I seriously considered not doing the x-rays.



This was about as big a smile Penny could muster. She was so weak at this point.
   

   

Yet, she still had a sense of humor! She allowed me to put this on Facebook.

Jeri took this picture. Later, when Penny saw this picture she said it was okay to put it on Facebook also. She hated it though. No make-up and her hair wasn't 'done'.










Penny did amazingly well during the summer. She was upbeat, positive and worked hard on getting strong again.

Here's where a lot of information drops off though. I don't know why but I can guess. Penny never called me but once or twice while she was doing chemo. If I called her at home she couldn't talk or if she could it was just a couple of minutes.

I continued to send her cards and always called her. I was, at this point, just leaving her messages. She never returned them. If I did get her I'd ask her if she got my message and she would say no or she got it and meant to call me back. After talking to her at the end of July, she sounded incredibly happy!

The way she talked I started to believe she just might beat this thing. I know Penny well enough to believe she thought the same thing. I also realized this; she was spending precious time with her family. She may have been doing well but she understood her time on God's Earth would be short. Still, it seemed like she was going to beat the original diagnosis of six months to a year!

That was probably the last time she and I talked as long as we did. It was then I realized how short our conversations (when we did talk) had been. Once upon a time, Penny and I would talk the wires out of the phone. We could talk for hours.

If I have my dates correct, Penny became ill on August 7th or 8th. She called John home from work telling him 'something was wrong'. I didn't get a call until the 9th, a Friday. She had been admitted with a perforated bowel.

No attempt to repair it was made. I was told the doctors "couldn't" repair it. Okay, I'm not stupid. It can be repaired. I know how serious the condition is and that it can be fatal if not treated. I can only guess that the decision was made to 'not' fix it was because the cancer had spread.

She was admitted to Hospice on Saturday the 10th. (I think)

I wasn't able to go see Penny that weekend. I made it Monday, August 12th and stayed for about three hours. Emily was there, John was at work. Penny was semi-alert. I can only imagine what type of drugs they had her on. Still, we talked a little. Mostly I held her hand and she slept. And I prayed over her.

Because of doctor appointments and therapy, I didn't get back to see her until 16th, a Friday. She roused enough to give me a faint smile. That was all. Her daughter handed me a gift bag; a birthday present from Penny. A sweet gesture, but I doubt my friend had much to do with it. Not the way she was today.

That weekend and Monday, I tried to get a dependable ride without having to ride the handicap bus. My sister Jeri wanted to go with me to visit but she ended up with a severe migraine. A friend said she would pick me up but couldn't do it until Tuesday. So I decided to wait until then.

I called Hospice every day I couldn't be there. Every day. Emily answered the room phone once while Penny was there. I tried to call the cell phone number that was Penny's but now being used by Emily. I usually had to leave a message but Emily did answer it a few times.

My friend Dawn N. confirmed that we would be going to visit Penny late afternoon of the 20th. I was so relieved I would be able to see Penny at least one more time. I knew she had to be failing.

That morning (of the 20th) I called the cell phone and had to leave a message. I called the room and got no answer. I called Penny's home number in case they hadn't left yet. No answer. I finally called and asked for the nurses station in Penny's area. I asked how Penny was doing and was told, "she died in the early morning hours".

I wept. My friend was gone.

I waited for a phone call from either of them. I finally spoke to John briefly the evening of the 21st. He said Emily was supposed to have called me.

Three days later I called and spoke briefly to John again. Then later, Emily called but neither of them let me know what the arrangements were. This is how I found out:

COOPER, Penny L.
Age 62, of Brookville, passed away Tuesday, August 20, 2013 at Hospice of Dayton, following a brief illness. She was a 1969 graduate of Northmont High School as Penny Carr. She was a very creative woman. She was the owner of Froggy’s Workshop, where she made children’s jewelry. She was  also employed by Hobby Lobby. Penny is survived by her husband of 42 years, John Cooper; daughter, Emily Kinzig & husband Tim; grandchildren, Jackson, Audrey & Ben; sister, Suzanne Collins & husband Ross; nephew, Nick Collins & wife Amy & their daughters, Olivia & Mya; niece Melanie Collins; & last but not least, by her special Chihuahua, Eddie. Funeral services will be held 4 PM Sun. Aug. 25 at the GILBERT-FELLERS FUNERAL HOME, 950 ALBERT RD., BROOKVILLE, with Pastor Dave Britton officiating. Visitation will be held 2-4 PM Sunday. Graveside services will be held 10 AM Mon. Aug. 26 at Dayton Memorial Park Cemetery on N. Dixie Drive, south of Vandalia. If desired, the family suggests donations to Hospice of Dayton. E-mail condolences may be sent by going online to www.gilbert-fellers.com

I had a rough couple of days before the viewing. I was so sad.

Jeri and Eric were going to take me to the viewing on Sunday. Jeri wanted to go because she was so pleased that Penny was one of many friends who visited me while I was so sick last year. When Sunday arrived, I didn't do much but think about Penny until it was time to get ready.

Jeri ended up with another serious migraine. My poor sister has dealt with migraines ever since she was a young woman. Sometimes, they come at her so fiercely and so often, her meds just don't work.

Eric, bless him, arrived to take me to the funeral home. He was going to stay with me but I told him to go home and make sure Jeri was okay. He could pick me up at 4:30. He helped me into the funeral home as my cell phone started to ring. Eric left and just as I was pulling my cell out of my purse, Emily came out of a small room laughing; she had been trying to call me.

As quickly as she appeared, she disappeared. I rolled into the main room and was surprised at all the people there. I sat in the back because I wanted to see Dawn N. come in. The line formed to greet the family was so long. I had to stop and consider all the people Penny and John knew from Brookville. I'm pretty sure John's friends from work were there. People Penny knew from Click Camera, Bath and Body and the office job I can never remember the name of. Her friend from that place, Sue, had called me several times before Penny passed. I was also looking for her.

Dawn came in and sat next to me. We were both hoping the line would shorten but it never did. We finally decided to take our place and waited. The line went quickly. At this point it finally occurred to me that Suzanne, Penny's sister was in the reception line too. I was so ashamed of myself for not trying to get in touch with her more. And of course Suzanne was the first one to greet me. She remembered me (surprisingly), embraced me and said, "I'm so sorry for you Shirley, I know you two were friends for a long time". I couldn't say anything after that. I just returned the hug and moved on down the line. Suzanne's daughter Mel and husband Ross introduced themselves to me but they didn't have to. I knew all about them.

John was next and he gave me a hug then told me there was a picture of Penny and me he wanted me to take home. I knew which one it was. I thanked him. Emily walked with me to the casket and I was a bit shocked. The wig was on her and it did look pretty but there was no make-up! I mean the funeral home tried to cover up some things (I won't go into all of that here) but there was no eye shadow, no blush, no lipstick! I was shocked and looked at Emily for explanation and she said, "we did the best we could".

Okay. I didn't say anything and left it at that. But I didn't understand it. I had mentally prepared myself for what she would look like but not this. I just turned and moved back to my seat. Dawn N. was right behind me.

We sat through the service, which wasn't at all bad then it was time for final good-byes. I wasn't going to the casket again. I stopped and spoke a few words to John then Emily and lastly Suzanne. Then I went outside to wait for Eric.

My friend was gone.

The next few days were emotional.

Since the funeral I have tried to get in touch with John and Emily. I left a message for John on his home answering machine. Emily tried to call on my land line, left a message but didn't leave a number. I haven't heard from her since.

It's taken me awhile to write all of this. When I began, each word brought on the tears so it's taken me a bit to write this small memory of my friend's illness. Oddly, John did call me just recently (about a week ago). I was shocked! But it was good to talk to him. He wanted to see how I was doing. He seemed to be doing well. He broke down once but collected himself pretty quick.

>>>>>A silly poem for a silly friend by a silly friend:

                           Ode to Pen

                            Pen is my friend

                            The end.  (bow and wait for applause)

Early days of Click Camera. 1988

This was around Christmas of 1989. The guys rented tuxes to wear for our store Christmas picture. By the end of the day all of us girls had tried on the tux jackets.

I know there are more pictures of Penny or Penny and me but I just can't put my hands on them right now.









Most of my pics of Penny are tucked into a scrapbook. I don't have penny's voice on audio anywhere. I have a very drugged message on the answering machine but I'm going to delete it. She would hate knowing I saved it.

Penny, you have kept my secrets for twenty-five years and taken them with you.

I still have your secrets. All of them are in a safe place.

I will always remember you. I will always miss you.